Ok, having a thought here…
What if my whole life has been about showing me the contrast of me and others? Not just people but situations to? Life. That underlaying conflict in everything I have always been round, the people. All old patterns that I never even had to start with. Why?
Is the contrast to realise myself? To notice my individual pattern against theirs? To see there is another way? To recognise my ways? To learn to become independant from the surrounding patterns without getting attached or dragged back into them?
To break away from feeling trapped and learn that I dont need to trust in the old pattern as if its the same as mine and accept people understanding differently?
To learn that ‘I’ am different from them?
To be a new way? Bring in and be a new way, new pattern? Yes I can see that. For that, it would help to have that contrast.
To learn to trust self, love self, even when these around are in a different space. To create that space. BE that space! To be able to stay and keep yourself fully as one is, not how everyone else/thing is.
To not be trapped in that nor to be trapped in the Self created BY that! I guess all that creates a shell around you as it is always there and it traps you. Like what I feel around me now. Are they my old patterns or what other people surround me with? Or those I keep up as a disguise to ‘fit in’?
(I was aware of myself recently trapped in a tight barrier, squeezed, restrained, barely able to breath. I then was able to slump and let out a huge sigh of relief when it came down)
I can feel a definite cold spot right on the front of my solar plexus right now.
I feel like I have hit a nail on the head in my constant whack-a-nail in total darkess game.
Was it built up around me? Or did I build it around myself? To hide, look, appear like others? Maybe I have built it unknowingly and since I started this process, its been harder and harder on myself. The more I have grown in a fixed space that doesnt grow with me.