No more hiding the fact that I fear him knowing about me. No more running from that fear, or him, or that fact. The fact is ‘HE KNOWS’. I wont hide from knowing this fact and I wont pretend to not know either…
I want you to know, even though it frightens me.
I know and feel nothing but love from you. For some reason, I do fear, I dont know why, however I know, this is what I want and choose. For us both to know, for me to accept and release my fear. I can already feel a difference, relief of a burden. I have been carrying it so long, I do not really feel it anymore. Maybe I didnt want to rely on you, to disturb you whilst you seemed unaware. Maybe I feared I would push you away as you werent ready. As you didnt seem.. as I thought you werent ready, werent aware.
Yet you are, I was afraid to look, to feel more pain at you so far away, to have you look at me like a stranger.
Now I know that you know, even if in a small way, I dont want to be afriad to look at you anymore. I dont want to look anywhere else.
This will hurt, I already have tears in my eyes, though I prefer to see you through tears then look away in fear. This is my choice that I make right now. I know this is the right path, even though it is rough and painful. Though it brings me to you. Its you I choose.
Your hard to believe in, you seem like a dream. If I look at you, will you still be there, or will you fade away?