At some point last night I felt a knowing/remembering. It seemed to come forward from within. I felt it moving and as it arrived I realised ‘I WANT to be in all nows!’.
I opened to this revelation and not long after, I stepped into the now.
Who stepped into this now exactly? If I did, then was I not already here?
It is a sensation, a feeling of presence, stepping into yourself. Odd, but not a bad feeling. It didn’t last long as I am sure it wasnt meant to.
This ‘now’ thing, from the short time I witnessed it, is very different from how I understood it to be. I remember reading about awareness, what you see, hear, feel. Being aware of what is around you here and now. To not live in the past or future.
This was nothing like that.
Nothing at all!
This was my soul stepping forward and into me, this reality, live, first person than stood back watching in 3rd person. I could feel I was finally, truly HERE. Suddenly, here existed, it was a real place, I was real.
I could feel my presence, my true self down in my body, somewhere between my solar and sacral.
That experience then and back to this now has really emphasised that hollow non-real even more. Which is a good thing. I have gained understanding from this experience and I am grateful.
More understanding of what will be, how I will become is known to me now and I hope will be a permanent ‘nows’ state.
Is this presence of me, in all nows, the will, power, strength I have felt missing? I think it maybe. Exciting! That is my self. Self-realisation! My true self stepping forward! The fact it happened the same day as my full scale mirror rant about the fact I was ready and all the ‘things I need to do’ was my mind filling in time, shows I was and am, indeed ready.