‘You wont let go of you, because you fear him’…were the words that arose up from my sub conscious one morning. You…The last layer of self. Fear…the perception of trickery and deceit. Him…the new energy, space, victory of the Core and faith…Tarot is proving an extremely handy window when my writing isnt enough to start the journey into such arising.
Part of me fears Him due to the mistrust and perception of deceit in the ‘hope’ He appears to be, in the perception of some ‘authority’ or ‘power’ that put me here.
That He is either a trick, my jailer or the fear. Not the fear, I WANT Him. So I am going for trick or deceit due to the perception of mistrust in this state from the feeling some power did this to me.
Though how true is this?
If the mistrust and perception of trickery is actually born from this isolation and internal unknown?
This is all in me. That is all. Far, down, deep within me. I have found that which I was sent, or choose, to go and find, Him. Yet on the way, in the dark, I have lost sight of why I ventured within to start with. Where I came from, who I was, why I did this, what I came to find.
I think that is what has happened. More than sure. I can see it in my mind’s eye now, tunnels like underground, a single torch. Forgotten everything, lost and wandering aimlessly. I have now, the feeling that this is the point of these tunnels It is what they do. To slowly strip you down.
There is nothing to find ‘in’ the tunnels. The tunnels strip you down so you can find your Core underneath the ‘self’ and ‘me’. The ‘you’ in the risen statement.
‘Him’ .. the point of the tunnel? The ‘Him’ I am looking for? My Core? Or is ‘He’ the pull, the lure, that gradually comes into view as the layers come away?
Is He the end of the process..I feel strongly, a reaction to that, I believe this is so!