OK. Abundance I can not see. I have been focusing on physical lack, what seems missing, than noticing what else had changed.
So today, writing is to address this.
All I seem to be noticing is what I have lost and awaiting return, what I gave up and that nothing has changed, even with all my letting go. I am focusing too much on that and the anticipation of return of what was (initially taken).
Though what have I gained since? What change, opportunity, creation has happened from all this? Not all abundance is physical or wealth.
Initially, I am fairly certain that my biggest loss ‘Him + Me’ has given rise to the opportunity for me to grow, heal and do, prepare for whatever reason I am here for. Something deemed important and an opportunity not to be missed, for deciding to do this, temporary parting, to start with. Hence, I am now here.
Abundance gained = Healing, growth, opportunity, experience, the ‘mission’ (and whatever else I am currently unaware of or yet to happen).
Now on earth since I began this journey..
I have been opened to more of existence beyond that which I was aware. Become self-aware, that I am more than just my human body. That there is a grand ‘plan’ in my being here. I have been able to heal myself, emotional and clear my mental self, less fear, less control, less pressure.
I now understand a depth to myself I did not know existed. Changed my view, perspective and understanding of myself, reality and existence. Allowed me to feel stronger, more acceptance, more ‘me’ and less ‘them’.
Its opened myself to a grander ‘experience’ that I am having, not just this ‘human’ one.
My sense of self is stronger, trust in my essence, less afraid of myself, of my life and existence.
Introduced a sense of greater purpose to myself, my experience being here. The idea of greater connection, of love, family, community.
Abundance gained = Healing, growth, strength, focus, purpose, opening, well-being, comfort, re-unions, acceptance, understanding, greater perspective and respect.
So I have in fact gained a lot already from what I have lost, given up and changed (and still more to come).
Though it is all internal. In me. IS me in a way. It has also lead me on the path back to my true, full being. The rest of my selves.
I did decide at the beginning to start within and then work my way out, so it makes sense really.
Given the choice, would I return back to how I was 15-20 years ago?
Yes, many of my current issues did not exist back then. However, many things I could look back and see not being issues at the time.. are in fact conflict, limitations and fear.. hidden underneath.
So no, I do not wish to go back, but to instead see and recognise these things and realise that the past, wasn’t actually as peaceful as it seemed. That it was simply ‘easier’ yet that easiness was built on illusion built on fears built on insecurity.