It is the feeling that now hangs within my body. The feeling put into a word. The desire, want and choice to restore.
Yesterday, I woke up from a night where I had previously asked for aid with the issues I knew where there yet been unable to uncover.
The first thing to hit me was the feeling of a discomfort in the form of a sadness. A lacking, a yearning. I could feel it down around my middle/lower body.
Now I was not ‘sad’. Rather then ‘I am sad’ it was ‘I feel sadness’. I felt it within myself, rather than being it myself, the manifestation as emotional state. It hang around down between my solar plexus and sacral chakra like a fog. It stayed with me whilst I had my breakfast and through to mid morning coffee.
I decided it was about time I did some healing and transmuting writing, of which I have not done for a while. I decided a walk would be a good start so I set of around the old quarry and did energy work as I went.
I went down, diving (image of intent) into the surface of that sadness. I accepted it and swam in it for a while.
Sadness..pain..hurt.. someone hurt me…He hurt me..
Still walking, I acknowledged this and let it go. Rising from below a new energy arrived. I felt anger. I was anger over what happened, I hated him. yes, that is understandable, I hated the fact he hurt me, that he could do that.. though that is simply a cover for the pain.. so I let that go.
As I returned home I decided it was a great place to begin writing now I had removed the majority of the surround emotional turmoil that hide the root. I sat down with pencil and notebook.
From this I discovered that the emotional turmoil had been blocking from me. The glowing light of acceptance of the event with a hint of sadness that it had happened. Whatever the event, I had already accepted it deep down, i just found fully see this and move on with it due to the overwhelming emotional energy. I felt the relief of bringing that acceptance in and let it settle within me.
So I then asked myself.. ‘what do I feel now?’.. ‘what do I now want?’.. ‘what do I now think?’… I put my pencil down and closed my eyes and felt. The area that was sadness turned into a orange watery world with floating sparkles. There was also a the feeling that translated as ‘restore’. The want to restore, re build.
Now, the ‘restore what’ is a good question here. I can feel it means ‘re-build’.. like to re building over a ruin. Something new. ‘To rebuild what was lost in and after the event’. (whatever that event was). I may not need to know.. as if scrape and try to retain the memory is the opposite of letting it go…
Now, it feels like I am starting from the beginning. It make me wonder if I am literally starting all my growth and path from the beginning, or whether it ever truly started until I cleared this soul level sadness.
Or maybe, it is now that ‘I’ will literally start again anew.
As such I am unsure where to go, what to do. I started with general energy work. Focusing on the ‘restoration’ of my chakras which lead to the ‘switch’ to newer energy centres. Larger and brighter version of the ones I was previously within.
I believe this was all brought out due to the merging with the ‘rest’ of myself. Aka Shadow Self which only happen last week and since I have noticed additions of symbols to some of my chakras.